BBL Gets a Makeover!

In 2012, we started a program at Bikram Yoga Portsmouth called Bikram’s Biggest Loser. This program was motivated by my older sister’s inspiring story. Read it here.

In a nutshell, my sister, Gina, found her way to the yoga on a regular basis nine years after taking her first class and hating it/herself. She battled self-hatred and obesity most of her life and found love and respect for herself on her yoga mat.

In the world of yoga, fat people are greatly underrepresented. Did you notice I said fat? I said it on purpose. “Overweight” implies that there’s “right” weight and, frankly, I’m done with that dogma.

While more than a third of Americans are categorized as “obese“, the percentage of practicing yoga students who fit those characteristics hover near the single digits. I wanted to change that.

Around the country, “Fat Yoga” studios have opened catering to obese yogis. Studios added “Curvy Yoga” or “Yoga for Round Bodies” and that never sat well with me. At our studio, we never differentiated between kids and adults. We don’t offer special classes for athletes or the elderly. Why would we exclude people from our regular schedule based on their weight?

How would it serve anyone to isolate fat people to a single class once a week?

A beautiful thing happens when all yogis practice together. It promotes the understanding that we are all the same on the deepest levels. I wanted something different for BYP. I wanted inclusion.

I wanted people to know that BYP was a safe place to practice yoga for anyone. I wanted students who had a BMI over 30 to know they wouldn’t be the only fat person in the room. I wanted to spread the word that my teachers knew how help people get into poses if there were big breasts or big bellies in the way, or how to approach a pose if thick thighs made the traditional execution impossible. I wanted people to understand that no matter who you are and what struggles you face, we were not going to judge you.

We modeled the program, at first, after the popular TV show The Biggest Loser. Not for the rapid (and reportedly dangerous) weight loss, but for the trainers’ intense belief in the participants’ abilities to achieve that which they did not yet believe in themselves. On TBL people’s ideas of themselves as quitters and losers transformed to that of achievers and athletes. We saw that happen in our students every day at yoga.

We knew the tantalizing draw of weight loss would bring in lots of clients. We were featured on the morning news and 43 people registered for our first challenge. Nationally, most people report that they try their first yoga class for either weight loss or fitness goals.

And people did lose weight. A lot of it. Our first winner lost 71 pounds and cut his cholesterol in half. One woman dropped eight dress sizes, four inches off her thighs. In five years, participants have lost nearly a collective ton of weight.

Some people didn’t lose weight. Not a pound. A few students even gained weight, but something else important was happening. People’s lives were changing. They were standing up for themselves at work. They were lowering dosages of blood pressure medication or going off anxiety meds. BBL participants found community, made friends, and felt a part of something. They rallied each other when they wanted to quit. They quieted that evil critic in their own heads. They learned to look in the mirror with pride, not shame.

I have a secret to share. I never cared if anyone lost any weight.  

I only cared that people found health and wellness and happiness. I knew that the potential for weight loss would draw people to the program because that is the song of our culture. Lose weight and be worth something! My vision was that if I could get them to show up, people would learn to love and respect themselves on the mat and the rest would fall away.

My vision came true. It worked.

Everything I thought the program could be, it was and even more. Last year, we added the Fueled and Fit program with nutritionist Erin Holt. Erin’s life goal is to get everyone in the world to stop dieting forever and learn to eat and listen to their bodies so they can fuel themselves and feel good. She strives to help people heal their convoluted relationships with food.

With Erin’s work, the program dug even further into our deep-seated beliefs about food, body image, and self-worth. Last year’s program pushed us to make a big change in how we structure and name the program to better represent the power and efficacy of dedicating three months of your life to healing your self and setting your life on a new path for good.

Last season, we had optional EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) sessions with Cheri Keirstead. This year, we’ll offer these tapping sessions as a criteria of the challenge. EFT is a psychological acupressure tool that allows you to practice calming your limbic system while simultaneously talking through issues and thought patterns that underlie your biggest challenges. Some participants worried that the tapping was a little too woo-woo-weirdo for them, but the folks who actually attended the sessions saw amazing results. Hey, sometimes the crazy hippie stuff works.

In this blog post, Erin Holt addresses the intersection between woo-woo weirdo and science. Tapping works because you calm unconscious stress responses to emotionally-charged thoughts and memories while allowing yourself to put words to your feelings. Studies clearly show a naming emotions reduces neurological and biochemical response to them.

We made the choice to model the program after our successful Sober Yogis program as a challenge, no longer a competition. The challenge is to commit to yourself for 90 days. To dig deep into the parts of your life that are holding you back. To look at food as your fuel, not your enemy. To stop dieting forever. To heal your body and your mind. To gain control of chronic illness. To let go of patterns that no longer serve you. To create habits that will drive the rest of your life.

Participants who meet the requirements of the challenge win a month of unlimited yoga at their host studio. There’s no longer a BBL winner. With our new program, we all win. The goal is to take three months of your life to make changes to the way you move, eat, and think that will lay the groundwork for how you live the rest of your life.

We won’t be taking weights or body measurements. Instead, we’ll measure depression and anxiety scales, and social-connectedness.

This new format allows us to expand our reach with this program from obesity to a myriad of challenges like: PTSD, disordered eating, chronic illness, debilitating injury, depression, anxiety, self-hatred, trauma, addiction, anger management, stress-reduction, body dysmorphia and more.

It is with great pleasure that our team introduces to you the new and improved Commit to 90 program.

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Visit our website for more information and details on the challenge rules and resources.

We look forward to welcoming you to this supportive community,

Sara, Jaylon, Emily, Erin, Cherie and all of the teachers at Bikram Yoga Portsmouth and Epping

BBL 3.0 Yeah

 

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Posture of the Month: Spine Time – June 2017

Happy June!

This month we have another awesome posture for you to work on.

 The Spine Twisting Pose
ARDHA-MATSYENDRASANA

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What is it??

  • 150-degree rotation of the spine,
  • all vertebra rotating 1-5 degrees from top to bottom.

The spine twisting pose has some great benefits for your body:

  • Increases circulation and nutrition to spinal nerves, veins, and tissues
  • Improves spinal elasticity and flexibility
  • Helps cure lumbago and rheumatism of the spine
  • Improves digestion
  • Firms abdomen, thighs, and buttocks
  • Strengthens back and abdominal muscles
  • Increases flexibility of the hip and shoulder joints
  • Prevents and heals herniated disc
  • Detoxifying
  • Helps arthritis of the knee and sciatica

The May “Haps”

Hello, Fellow Yogis!

As Friday comes to a close, and the month of May wraps up, we wanted to take a moment to reflect back on the great month that we’ve had.  We started off strong with a great Cinco De Mayo celebration and “First Friday” music class featuring some of the music industries biggest “Divos”  (Cough Cough MJ, KANYE, BEIBER, BOWIE, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE)

— To those of you wondering what the **** a “Divo” is ..we will leave you with this spot-on definition from UrbanDictionary- LOL

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With some Cinco decor hanging and good vibes flowing you could definitely say there was a”party in the hot room”  18221993_10154649979442615_7946714306779506266_n.jpg

Another awesome perk of May was getting another Posture of the month!! Woot-Woot! There is nothing better than having a whole month to grow and focus on a different posture.

MAY P-O-M

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Head to Knee with Stretching Pose has some great benefits to keep you looking and feeling great 🙂

Here are a few:

  • Helps balance blood sugar levels
  • Improves kidney function
  • Improves digestion
  • Improves the flexibility of sciatic nerves, ankles, and hip joints
  • Strengthens and firms back, abdomen and arms
  • Reduces symptoms of asthma
  • Deep hamstring stretch

We also had a great back bending clinic this month with former BYP teacher, Louise Giordani aka “Weezy”

The clinic gave students some great techniques and expanded on

  • How to recognize places of spinal mobility and restrictions
  • How to maximize the range of motion in your total spine

Now that our backs are feeling amazing~ we can’t wait to dive into next month’s posture **SPOILER ALERT** it’s the Spine twisting pose!!!

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As I take a sip from my water bottle I’m reminded that this month we have new water at the studio and guess what?? We are pretty stoked! Not only is Tourmaline great tasting bottled water, but it’s the only gravity-fed water bottling facility and to top it off the company creates no boreholes in the aquifer, taking only water that naturally bubbles up from the spring— How cool is that!

Want to learn more about the company?? Check it out here:  http://tourmalinespring.com/#home

Well hey… that’s the May “Haps”  Take a look below for a sneak preview into June 🙂

  • First Friday Music Class- QUEER CULTURE
    • Donation class to help fund Portsmouth Pride
      • June 2nd @ 4:30
  • Portsmouth Pride Parade
  • #WHYYOGA starts in June! Tell us why you practice yoga for the chance to win an amazing basket of goodies! Just #whyyoga on your Instagram and Facebook to get your raffle tickets.
  • Don’t forget with the summer schedule starting May 27th that Barkan classes are moved to Tues/ Thurs- Come check it out and try something different. Already love Barkan?? AWESOME now your Saturdays are free to come try out the advanced class.

Running Clean

Monday, April 29th, 2013. I’ll never forget that morning. I woke up hungover from the weekend’s drinking that always seemed to extend itself through Sunday night. I was defeated, broken, out of shape, and needed a change.

I wouldn’t find sobriety for another two years, but this day was the start of my path to positive change. I wasn’t ready to admit yet that I struggled with alcohol addiction, but I was ready to start taking better care of myself. I decided that morning to start eating better with the help of Weight Watchers and get in a more regular exercise routine. I chose the only exercise I really knew: running.

I immediately fell in love with running and, combined with a more health conscious diet, my drinking reduced to just a couple of times a week. I didn’t have enough “points” to drink the way I wanted. That, unfortunately, would change once I hit my goal weight which amounted to over 50 pounds of weight lost.

As the drinking increased, so did the running. I think I used it to sort of “justify” my habit. The two couldn’t harmonize forever and after a few short stints of sobriety, I finally was able to put down drinking on March 2nd, 2015. Now nothing could hold me back from running…or so I thought.

I ran so much that I started racking up marathons in different states and set a goal to run a marathon in every state. Everything was going great, but eventually all of the “pounding” caught up with me and I suffered a severe iliotibial band injury. When I went to physical therapy, the therapist told me I had the tightest IT band he had ever seen. I was completely sidelined and couldn’t even run a mile. I felt fine on an exercise bike, in the pool and even doing light strength training, but running was out. I was devastated.

Eventually, after months of therapy, I was able to get back to running, but it was never quite right. I had to completely cancel a race in Austin, Texas and the next couple of marathons after that were a real struggle. My times were high and the pain I felt in the last six to eight miles of each race was excruciating. I thought many times that I was running my last marathon.

After running through pain and enduring the best I could, one day my friend Elissa suggested I try this thing called Bikram Yoga. I’ll be honest, I knew nothing about yoga let alone this Bikram Yoga of which she spoke so highly. My vision of yoga was a group of people sitting around, stretching their pinky toes and lying on their backs for most of the class (ha ha). I had no clue just how amazing it actually is.

As it turned out, Bikram Yoga is one of the most challenging workouts I’ve ever done both mentally and physically. It was exactly what I needed.

I started out doing Bikram once a week as a stretch day. I felt absolutely amazing after every class. My body was healing, my mind was clear and I felt…longer. That’s the only way I can describe it!

One class a week soon turned into two and before I knew it, I was hooked. I now go to three to five classes each week. My body feels younger, cleansed, refreshed.

I just completed my eleventh marathon in eleven states two weeks ago. Not only did I complete it, but I broke my personal record by over two full minutes. That IT band injury? I don’t even notice it.

That Austin marathon I had to back out of? I ran it in February. It was #10. I even found a Bikram studio in Texas. And sobriety?

As I write this I am 811 days sober. I am so grateful for the life I have today.

Each and every day is a gift, and if I get to go to Bikram it’s even sweeter.

Before yoga, recovery from a marathon was a one to two week process. Now, I just go to class the next day and I’m pain free. It’s that simple.

Finally, I can’t say enough about Bikram Yoga Portsmouth. I absolutely love each and every teacher there. They all have an amazing gift for making me feel confident as I grow as a yoga student, yet making sure I continue to be challenged, pushing me just a little further at just the right time.

Each teacher is unique in their own way. I truly, honestly, don’t have a favorite. They all get a perfect ten in my book. Thank you Bikram Yoga Portsmouth for not only restoring me on this quest to run 50 marathons, but for giving me just one more reason to stay sober each and every day. For that, I am forever grateful.

PJ Donahue is a musician and drum teacher who lives in Seacoast New Hampshire with his wife and daughter, Molly. You can hear more of his sound here: sometimes there are moments that can inspire an entirely new artistic direction. That is the story of River Sister.

Bikram Yoga and Benign Positional Vertigo

A bout of vertigo can put the brakes on a lot of daily activity. Can you still practice yoga? Will it help? Will it make it worse?

As with most questions in life, the answer is, When in doubt, go to yoga.

I have suffered from motion sickness and periodic bouts of vertigo throughout my life. It wasn’t until my early thirties that an ear exam revealed I have Meniere’s disease, a genetic condition shared by my father and sister, and an explanation for vertigo at such a young age.

Practicing yoga has been a life-saver.

I cannot say classes with vertigo are easy or fun, but they are a path to feeling better for the rest of the day. To understand how to use your practice to help your vertigo, it’s critical to understand the main causes of Benign Positional Vertigo (BPV).

The otolith organs (utrical and sacculus) in your ear monitor your position in relation to gravity with a combination of fine hairs and tiny crystals. For different reasons, the crystals can occasionally get dislodged from these organs and find their way into semicircular canals that make up the vestibular labrynth. It is the out-of-bounds crystals in the vestibular canals that cause the nystagmus, nausea and dizziness that make up vertigo.

To get on track to feeling better, we must first get those crystals back where they belong. There are several techniques out there to counter BPV. The most popular for years was the Epley Maneuver, which I found effective about 50% of the time and works better if it is done to you by a professional.

In recent years, I discovered the Foster’s Maneuver designed by Dr. Carol Foster. This technique is simple to use and can be repeated until you feel better. It is easily assimilated right in the middle of class if you notice the vertigo returning. Please watch the technique in the video below.

What to do in class?

First, perform the Foster’s maneuver prior to class. Because it is ideally done in 15-minute intervals, it is best to do it about 5-10 minutes prior to the start of class. Before you do the technique, lie on your back and roll over to one side and sit up. Repeat on the other side. Note which side made you feel worse. This is the side you will turn your head to during the exercise.

When the class begins Prayanama, it may feel a little bit gross the first few times you drop your head back. If there are still free crystals, they are moving around. That’s why you may feel nauseated or a little dizzy. The exhale breath actually helps to bring the crystals to the back of the vestibular canals where you want them for the maneuver. Go slowly, but don’t skip over it. It will make you feel better in the long run.

Half Moon Pose is helpful in loosening all of the muscles you’ve been tensing since you woke up with vertigo. It’s good for your overall health, so participate. I often find I don’t have a lot of strength when I have vertigo, so don’t be surprised if it looks very different from your usual posture. Complete the lateral flexion (side bends) and the back bend, but skip the forward bend, Hands to Feet, for this class.

The backward bend of Half Moon is the same as the prep phase of the Foster’s Technique. Since the first forward bend in class is about 15 minutes after you did the first set of Foster’s, now is a great time to repeat it. From the back bend, keep looking up and come down to your knees and execute the rest of the maneuver from there while the class completes hands to feet.

In the second set, do not repeat the Foster’s Technique, but skip the forward bend.

Awkward, Eagle, Standing Head-to-knee and Standing Bow can be executed as usual, with one exception. If you have the ability to put your forehead on your knee in SH2K, don’t do that today. Keep your face parallel to the mirror.

Balancing Stick should be done to tolerance. Most people find they cannot come all of the way down to parallel. If you woke up with a full-fledged vertigo this morning, I’d recommend keeping your face parallel to the mirror for this class. This means you will only come down about halfway into the stick pose.

By the time we get to Standing Separate-leg Stretching, if has been about 15 minutes since your last Foster’s Technique. If you are still experiencing a little of that shaky-eye nystagmus, this is a good time to repeat it.

If you are feeling okay at this point, feel free to perform the posture, but keep your face up, above the horizontal plane. For flexible students, you may be able to achieve this by placing your hands on the floor and doing the posture with a flat back. If you are a little less loose in the hamstrings, do this with your hands on your thighs for support.

half way ssls

Triangle can be performed normally, but pay attention to how you feel. You may not be able to turn your head to the ceiling if it is making you sick, especially to your bad side.

So that you don’t reverse the good you’ve been doing with the Foster’s maneuver, please do not go down in Standing Separate-leg Head-to-knee. Setting up the arms and turning to the side is enough for today. Stretching your arms up and lengthening your spine is plenty of hard work anyway.

Tree Pose is not likely to present any problems. Go slowly in Toe Stand to see how far down you can go before the headache and nausea creeps back in. Again, try to keep your face parallel to the front mirror.

Once we get to the floor, it can be very difficult to lie on your back in Savasana with your head completely horizontal. Trying using a block or a rolled up towel to prop up your head to a position where can lie comfortably without the world spinning.

It is okay to perform Wind-Removing Pose with your head slightly elevated, but don’t tuck your chin strongly to your chest.

For the Cobra series the postures are generally helpful for vertigo, but you may need to start and finish the postures with your face parallel to the mirror. This would look like setting up Cobra propped up on your elbows or Full Locust and Bow with your chest already off the floor. On really bad days, I find I need to do the pregnancy version of Locust pose to stave off the nausea.

For the belly-down Savasanas, I generally find that propping my turned head up on two fists is enough lift to stave off the dizziness, but still feel able to rest comfortably. Your rolled-up towel from Wind-Removing would probably work fine here, too.

During the rest of the class, the up and down of each Savasana may be too much for your spinning head. Feel free to sit up between postures or lean against the back wall.

Fixed Firm should feel nice. Go slowly with dropping your head back until the vertigo is gone. Half Tortoise is not recommended until you’re feeling better. It’s really not worth it to try it and start the world spinning again.

Camel is another wonderful back bend that gets the crystals to drop back in the vestibular canals. At this point, it has been more than 15 minutes since your last Fosters maneuver. After the second set of Camel, you’re in the perfect position to whip down into another set. Rabbit should be avoided anyway, so you have a few minutes to do a good, long hold. Remember to hold each phase of the maneuver until the nystagmus stops.

Head-to-knee and Stretching can be performed to tolerance, as long as you don’t drop the head below the horizontal line.

Spine Twist can also be performed as usual, although you may find you need to move your head very slowly through the twist if it brings back the nystagmus.

For the final Savasana you may continue to use the rolled up towel to prop your head or you might find you are feeling well enough to test out a normal execution.

The most important part of this process is to move slowly and with awareness so you can discover what makes your body feel better or worse and stay within your physical limitations for today.

It is recommended with the Epley maneuver that you sleep propped up for the next 24 hours. It does not come recommended with the Foster’s maneuver, but I generally sleep with my head elevated for the next couple of days just to be sure it doesn’t return.

BPV can be initiated or exacerbated by low barometric pressure due to pressure sensitivity in the ear. In times of low barometric pressure, it will help to continue these recommendations both for class and for sleep until the pressure changes.

If you have any questions, ask your teachers for help navigating this difficult time.

sara and bella headstand

 

 

 

 

Sara Curry is the co-owner and Director of Bikram Yoga in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. When her vertigo is under control, she enjoys spending time upside down with her husband and two kids in Southern Maine.

 

 

 

Thirty Days, Thirty Different Classes

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We just finished another 30-day challenge here at BYP. Every year, I keep saying, “Every challenge is different.” If I am really get down to the meat of it, every day is what is actually different.

The day before the challenge I got really serious with myself. If I can go to yoga, then I should. Don’t skip class just because the challenge starts tomorrow. So I practice Sunday and Monday before we started.

Day One: Man, I am strong.

Day Two: Ugh. I am so glad I know that I can do this. That I’ve done this before. That I will get through this month.

Day Three: Gahd! Why do I do these every year?

Day Four: I usually take six classes a week. Why am I sore after just five days?

Day Five: I’m fine. I’ve got this.

Day Six: I don’t like to do yoga on Sundays. I want to sit in bed drinking tea. Wow. This Sunday morning class has great energy. No wonder people take the Sunday classes.

Day Seven: Holy heavens, I am SORE.

Day Eight: I mean, I’m really sore. Like my joints hurt. Tender to the touch.

Day Nine: Is this yoga even good for you? Maybe this challenge is damaging my joints.

Day Ten: EVERYTHING HURTS.

Day Eleven: Worst class I have had in years. YEARS. More tired and sore than when I had morning sickness.

Day Twelve: Come on. Is this a joke? Yesterday was my worst class in nine years and today, it was breeze. Everything felt 100% do-able. I guess that quote, “Don’t give up before the miracle” is true.

Day Thirteen: I think this yoga is killing me. Or maybe it is my kids who are trying to kill me. Why don’t they ever sleep? Don’t they like sleeping? Feeling rested?

Day Fourteen: As I drove in to the parking lot to the first tender rays of sunlight, I thought to myself, “If I weren’t on the challenge, I would honestly turn around and drive home right now. I don’t even care that I dragged myself out of bed at 5 am and drove all of the way in to town.” After class, I felt like a million bucks.

Day Fifteen: Why are there so many people here at six am? It is dark and cold.

Day Sixteen: Hey, my hip doesn’t hurt anymore. I can actually kick in Standing Bow.

Day Seventeen: Standing Bow feels great, but my Hands-to-Feet has gone backwards a couple of years. I haven’t locked my knees in weeks.

Day Eighteen: I think the yoga is the only reason I am surviving right now. Seriously, could someone sleep past 2 am?

Day Nineteen: I started this morning at -10, by Half Moon, I was back to zero. I am at least a +10 now.

Day Twenty: We have reached cruising altitude. I must say, I also learned a big lesson this week. During the challenge, I’ve had to take and teach a lot of the early bird classes. I usually stay up until about 11 pm each night and am exhausted and miserable the next day. Last night, I took a melatonin at eight o’clock, was asleep by nine and, get ready for this, was refreshed in the morning! I guess I’ve been creating my own personal hell. Not sure why it took my three weeks to figure it out, but I’m grateful for the lesson.

Day Twenty-One: Single digits, baby. By now, it’s gotten easy. It’s just what we’re all doing. #everydamnday It also helps that I’m getting more than five hours of sleep at night.

Day Twenty-two: I floated through today’s class. I wasn’t always 100% present, I know that, but we started breathing and the next thing I knew, we were doing Stretching and laying down for final Savasana.

Day Twenty-three: I worked 63 hours this week and was still able to make it to class every single day. I think coming to class is how I survived this week with grace.

Day Twenty-four: Full-on space case today. I started Standing Bow while the whole class was setting up the second set of Standing Head-to-knee. I set up Floor Bow instead of Full Locust. I kept hearing people laughing and wondering what the joke was about. Whatever it was, I didn’t have the mental grit to stay present today.

Day Twenty-five: I felt so strong today. From the first breath, I could feel how strong my abdominal and chest muscles were. I worked so hard in each set up to nail my alignment and depth that I spent most of each posture just holding it in stillness and listening to my breath. What an incredible feeling!

Day Twenty-six: I’m sleeping, I’m eating well, I’m stretching. Life is freakin’ grand.

Day Twenty-seven: I woke up and had a long conversation with my husband about how we could take today off and just do a double Tuesday. Thankfully, we came to our senses and got up off the couch after the Pats game and took the Sunday Sermon.

Day Twenty-eight: Right on time, two days before the start of my cycle, I walked into class with one of my normal outfits on. It didn’t fit right. The top was rolling down. I felt like I had a wedgie. “What makes you think this is a good outfit? It looks awful.” My stomach was sticking out. I felt terrible.

As we started the breathing, all I could think of was how uncomfortable my clothes were. And then we started Half Moon. As my body created those familiar shapes, I could see myself in the midst of all of my hormonal discomfort. It reminds me of this scene from Hook. “There you are, Peter.”

Day Twenty-nine: She-ra, Princess of Power is back! I worked so hard in this class I was high for hours after. My legs locked immediately in Hands-to-feet. I felt like Standing Bow was finally getting higher. I was rock-solid in Standing Head-to-knee. Yoga is SO FUN!

Day Thirty: Wow. This was a hard one. Sore, stiff, tired at the crack of dawn. In a funny way, I can’t believe it is already over. Where did 30 days go so quickly?

Comfortable in My Skin

When I took my first Bikram Yoga Class, I was 22 years old. I was a landscaper by day and a heavy drinker by night. I paired my Budweisers each day with at least a dozen American Spirits, if not two. My job was hard on my body and my best friend and I relaxed at the end of the day with some well-deserved brews.

After my first class, I felt amazing. The class itself was hard and uncomfortable, but after I felt light and happy. At the time, I didn’t know anything about the “yoga high” or what was happening in my body.

I had the perfect excuse not to return. I was too young to need this type of yoga.  It was hard and I was uncomfortable for several hours out of the day.  Yes, it’s only a 90-minute class, but I suffered from severe anxiety. I was uncomfortable from the moment I agreed to go until I was leaving the parking lot.

I have lived my whole life uncomfortable in my own skin.

So I quit. It took me five years to get back on the mat again.  At this point in my life, was no longer drinking, but still smoked a pack a day.  I started out small, going to class a couple of times a week.  The classes were still as hard as I remembered, but I had lost the bloat that comes from drinking a six pack of tall boys a night and that made the classes more tolerable.  My lungs burned in class, but not enough to keep me from craving that all-too-welcoming post-yoga smoke.

When we got a positive pregnancy test, I finally gave up the smokes. My daughter wasn’t going to grow up in a house with a smoker. Unfortunately, I also gave up the yoga. I wish I had known then what I know now about how yoga eases the effects of withdrawals physiologically, emotionally, and mentally.

I spent six years without drinking before deciding when my second child was two that my earlier struggles with drinking were probably just from being young and immature. I couldn’t handle my drinking before, but now I’d be able to cope and limit myself and control the types of behaviors that led me to quit in my early twenties.

I was a social worker, stressed to the max. Within a year, I was back drinking another six  pack most days and taking my stress out on everyone around me. I was so stressed that I needed a beer to relax. The funny part is that the alcohol always made my anxiety worse.

I was right back to that old ingrained fight-or-flight behavior.  I knew something had to give. My wife had given up telling me that she knew something that really would help with my stress, but I wasn’t going to practice yoga when I couldn’t get to class every day.

I was miserable and the stakes only kept getting higher at my job. I made the choice to leave my high-stress, unpredictable job and attend yoga teacher training. This scared me to death. I couldn’t talk in front of two people, answer the phone at my house, or make an appointment for myself. Forget about standing on a podium and teaching yoga to a large group of people. Somewhere I found the courage to go anyway.

I went to training and the question that played in my mind over and over again throughout those 99 classes surprised me. The question wasn’t whether I’d be able to teach; it was whether I’d be strong enough to keep up the sobriety that I’d sustained for two months when I got out of yoga hell.  I had this underlying pull telling me it was time to give it all up, but I wasn’t ready.  I continued to drink for another two years after graduating from teacher training.

What would it take to give up my crutch that didn’t actually help me?  I’m ashamed to say it took getting drunk, acting belligerent, and having my little girl ask me over and over on a car ride home from a birthday party, “Daddy, are you okay?  What’s wrong, Daddy? Daddy, are you okay?”  I was scaring and confusing one of the most important people in my life.

I woke up the next morning and remembered everything that had happened the night before. I told her never ever would I act that way again. It has been my intention from that point forward that she would not grow up in a household where she was on edge, where life was unpredictable, where secrets were held, and shame was the underlying feeling for the person that was her role model.

I am sober. Sobriety has changed my life. 

I had gotten sober before, with the support of my wife. I thought I could do it on my own again and for the first year, I did.

When we started the Sober Yogis program, I had a nagging feeling that I was going to have to do it. As I listened to each person speak, I made the decision not just to be a teacher, but to be a participant. Sober Yogis was the support system I didn’t know I needed. It changed the way I view myself as a sober person.

My sobriety was enhanced by knowing that I’m not alone in this plight to be sober.  In fact, it doesn’t even feel like a plight any more. I’m sober. This is who I am and I’m so proud of it.  I have a life where I feel good in my skin. I’ve come to realize through yoga that life is lived when we can go through moments of discomfort great and small and not suppress them with drugs, food, or alcohol. I can feel extremely happy, down in the dumps, anxious as all hell and just ride the feeling through.

For me, being sober, just like being a drinker, it is a choice.  As a fellow sober yogi once said, “I can have that hell back any time I want it.” Sobriety is a choice to be strong, a choice to be okay with feeling uncomfortable, it’s a choice to be in control, and it’s a truly powerful decision.

My daughter says to me all of the time, “I saved your life, didn’t I, Daddy?”  She knows I quit smoking and drinking to be a better dad to her and Judah.  Yes, Bella did save my life, but Sara saved my soul by bringing Sober Yogis to me.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I could live a life of happiness in my skin. Yet here I am: living the dream.

jaylon and kidsJaylon Curry is the father of two, avid yogi, chicken farmer, and co-owner of Bikram Yoga Portsmouth in New Hampshire.